Out in the dark the world is still rolling, kids in their cars, cigarette smoking

I love a lazy day. A day designed for leggings, wine and bacon sandwiches. And of course what do all of these things orbit around? That's right...television. Whether it's Jamie's Food Revolution, Geordie Shore, or Misbehaving Mums to be, trashy television is at the center of my lazy days. I'll saunter out of bed around 11, make a half-arsed attempt at getting dressed (this usually involves swapping pajama bottoms for trackie bottoms), make a cup or tea and bacon sandwich (none of this BLT shit on a lazy day, I want squishy bread, bacon and ketcup, with maybe a drizzle of maple syrup, yum yum) and then plonk myself in the middle of the sofa and turn on the tv. I pointlessly flick through the channels, all the time knowing I'm going to end up watching a trashy Channel 4 or BBC3 documentary about drunks in Kings College Hospitals or binge eating pregnant women. 'God you disgusting fat slut, you don't deserve children!!' I shout to the range of young mothers smoking 20 a day, honestly believing this will strengthen their baby's heart, whilst munching self-righteously on last nights leftovers and gulping down the Pinot. 'How DARE you treat you body like that!' (gulp, gulp, munch, munch). Of course, it's ok when I do it, because it's just a one off! (ahem) and at least I know it's bad for me, I tell myself over and over again. As the disgust turns to boredom, I know I need to step up my game. 10pm on a Monday approaches and I cannot wait to chastise the snobby brats on E4's Made in Chelsea. How dare they have such nice clothes and money! I want to hate them, truly I do! But uhoh, what's this? Hugo, how could you do that to Millie? Spencer, why Frunda when you can have Caggie! How dare that pompous arse suggest Binky has cellulite!! And just like that...just like I got sucked in to The Only Way Is Essex and Jersey Shore, it's happened...I care. I know it's bad for me, but I can't help it. Like these teen mothers poisoning their babies, I'm poisoning my mind. What makes it worse is that I know it.
Monday night fizzles away in a mixture of excitement and disgust, like when you slump into McDonalds hungover and order not only a Big Mac but chicken nuggets as well. 'Tonight' I tell myself, 'I will watch the news. I shall LISTEN to and ENJOY the news'. Tuesday night arrives. I've swapped my wine for water, my trackies for trousers, and I'm ready to go. I turn on the telly, and disaster strikes. Two words I cannot ignore, under ANY circumstances. Geordie. Shore. No...it can't be...a Geordie Snooki? How can I possibly resist? Well, that's obvious...I can't. Faster than The Situation can sexually assult a girl, I am into my pj's and a bottle of wine. And you know what? I couldn't be happier.

"Totes man, totes, of course"-Fredrik, Made In Chelsea

AWOL

The last few weeks have been spent alarmingly detached from my best friend aka the internet, due to the slight event of like moving to a different continent etcetera etcetera...My trusty laptop has been stowed away and neglected terribly, whilst I frantically run around packing my life away into boxes (and by this I literally mean I have been watching NBC's Community non stop for a month, leaving packing til the VERY last moment possible). So, if you haven't heard of Community, here's my account of the BEST show ever...

Jeff- Impossibly handsome(trust me, he grows on you) ex-lawyer who's license was suspended due to it being less-than-legitimate...So Jeff and his lawyer-esque powers of persuasion are forced to enrol in college to validate his license. He chooses the most effortless route possible, enrolling in Greendale Community College, where he stumbles across a group of ambitously-challenged(yeah, I'm making that a thing) misfits of all ages, races, and sanity levels in a quest to get some puss-ayyyyy. 

Britta- See above puss-ayyyyy. Britta dropped out of school cause she thought it would impress Radiohead, and subsequently became one of those vegetarian Peace Core hippies that actually do very little except preach. Despite this, Britta has a certain vulnerable charm, and is often seen as the mum to Jeff's dad of the group(does that make sense? Probably not). Anyway, Britta is always keen to help the others with their mainly ridiculous problems, and her and Jeff's ever-growing sexual tension leads to some great moments.

Annie- Little Annie Adderall as she was once know is the baby of the group...recently leaving school due to a brief addiction to pills. Some what of a goody two shoes, Annie is determined to show that she does not need to be constantly mothered, and her growing sexuality throughout the series makes for some great storylines.

Abed- Possibly the greatest character ever created by television, pop culture junkie Abed joined Greendale to join his family falafel business. However Abed's constant(and I mean CONSTANT) need to refer everything back to tv and film prompts the characters to help him fund film classes. Abed's obsession with film and lack of ability to connect to real life come in surprisingly useful, as he can instantly characterise people and situations, leading to the group believing he may have Aspergers.

Troy- Another youngster from the same high school as Annie, Troy is an ex football player who accidently on purpose dislocated both his shoulders in a keg stand(sorry, KEG FLIP, they're very hard to pull off). Troys...lack of brain power shall we say, makes him extremely watchable, and his bromance with Abed is probably the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

Pierce- Oldie of the bunch Pierce(played by the great Chevvy Chase) isn't quite all there, and his accidental racism and homophobia are, to be frank, fucking hilarious, as are his constant attempts to be seen as young. Once a moist towlette tycoon, Pierce is a naive, rich, stage seven 'reformed Buddist' who really has very little reason to be at Greendale bar boredom.

Shirley- Usually calm and motherly Shirley has been left somewhat bitter after her husband left her, and is studying business to launch her online baked goods company. Whilst usually appearing calm and sweet, she has a party animal side to her that pops out occasionally, which is always fun.

Yeah so this is what has been consuming my life recently, it's a lot better than I make it out to be...sorry.